The Four Rules of Relationships

THE FOUR RULES OF RELATIONSHIPS

By Paul Lamb

www.paullamb.ca

Inspirational/Motivational Growth

Certified Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator

Author

Exploring the Iceberg

 

Life is too full to have complicated relationships, right? Do birds of a feather flock together? Or do opposites attract? To keep it simple most tend to believe it is one or the other. Yet usually it is both.

 

This article provides an antidote to this complexity. Let’s take a snapshot of Jennifer and Roberta.

 

Jennifer looked at Sam from afar and said to Roberta, “That man over there, I think his name is Sam, there is something about him that…”

 

Roberta watched Jennifer strip search Sam from afar with her eyes and said, “What about Jerry, your partner?!”

 

“I’m looking elsewhere for some fun. I thought Jerry was the strong silent type but he’s really the meek and weak type every day – you know, boring!”

 

“Yah, I know boring,“ Roberta said. “Me and John are so much alike there is no spark – not even a flint to make a spark! So you go girl and I’ll be right behind!”

 

“Besides,” Jenn finished, “one night of infidelity isn’t bad, is it?”

 

Similarities in romance can be so easy and comfortable. So much in common – a match made in heaven, right?!?

 

Differences in romance can be exciting! Those different qualities that you see and admire and don’t believe you have are also marinating in your hormones in the ebb and flow of your physiology.

 

Does infidelity abound or does single with children proliferate? Is someone out there for you? Or are you just too tired and hurt that you are giving up or don’t care? Are relationships too complicated they seem just not worth the effort?

 

Then let’s simplify this complication. The antidote resides in The Four Rules of Relationships – as easy as right and left handedness.

 

Rule One: Energy –

 

Some people prefer to get their energy from outside of themselves. These people may be seen to be gregarious, outgoing, lots of friends and the life of the party.

 

Other people prefer to get energized inside themselves. These people may be seen to be shy, reserved, quiet and have few friends.

 

The out-going people, like Jennifer, prefer to talk things out, seemingly bubbly and friendly. The in-going people, like Jerry, prefer to think things through, seemingly the strong silent type.

 

With Rule One there are simply two types of people garnering energy in two different attitudes – leaning outside or leaning inside. In the analogy, some get energized with their right hand and others with their left hand.

 

Rule Two: Attention --

Some people prefer to attend to details, to live in the present day and are concrete thinkers.

 

Other people prefer to attend to the big picture, to live in the future and are imaginative.

 

Jennifer who attends to details sees the crumbs on the counter and the pair of dirty socks in the corner of the bedroom. Jerry attends to the big picture and sees the kitchen is gleaming. He considers it a great job. Jerry doesn’t even see the dirty socks in the corner of their bedroom as he’s wondering about the sports programs on TV tomorrow and next week.

 

With Rule Two there are simply two types of people who prefer to attend to two different functions – details or the big picture. Some pay attention with their right hand and others with their left.

 

Rule Three: Decisions –

 

Some people prefer to make decisions logically – if this then that -- prefer to be detached and critique.

 

Other people prefer to make decisions through values, are compassionate, desire harmony and prefer attachment.

 

Jennifer wants compliments and hugs from Jerry. Jerry told her he loved her when he married her and if he changes his mind he’ll let her know.

 

With Rule Three there are simply two types of people who prefer to make decisions through two functions – logic or values. Some make decisions with their right hand and others with their left.

 

Rule Four: Lifestyle Patterns –

 

Some people prefer to act in a scheduled and timely way with an attitude of closure.

 

Other people prefer to act in a spontaneous and adaptable way with an attitude of openness.

 

Jennifer sees Jerry as always being late and messy. Jerry sees Jennifer as anal. She has a place for everything and everything in its place. She has ‘to do’ lists to get things done to satisfy her need for closure. Jennifer sees Jerry as procrastinating. Jerry sees Jennifer as jumping to conclusions.

 

With Rule Four there are simply two types of people who prefer to act in life in two different attitudes – scheduled or spontaneous. Some use their right hand for lifestyle and others use their left.

 

Let’s take a snapshot of Roberta and John knowing The Four Rules of Relationships. Commonalities abound! They understand that their sameness can get too routine leading to a life of mediocrity. They want the same things which can lead to no arguing but can also lead to little change to spice things up. They each prefer the lion’s share of talking. Listening is hard work that each need to challenge their listening skills. They also know that making decisions seems to go on and on and can blame the other for never making a decision!

 

Let’s take a snapshot of Jennifer and Jerry knowing The Four Rules of Relationships. Jennifer said, “Since we made a wonderful dinner for the two of us last week, how about this week we go to a club with our friends?”

 

“Sounds like a plan.” said Jerry, “and, Jennifer, I’m not too good at reading minds so any time you want a hug, you may have to ask.”

 

The opposites of Jennifer and Jerry attracted like magnets. Knowing what these opposites look like in day-to-day living is crucial. Opposites become idiosyncrasies, underwhelming or draining you when they are no longer overwhelmed by romance. Yet,opposites can merge to create a strong foundation building a lifetime of energy and fun.

 

With The Four Rules of Relationships you know what to expect of yourself and your partner. This garners support with truthful knowledge of yourself and the other. So, for example, Jennifer understands that the strong silent type can be, at times, more shy and reserved. Yet now she knows Jerry’s simply energizing himself on the inside rather than being meek and weak. Now they know how to talk with each other.

 

Do opposites and attract while wishing for birds of a feather to flock together? Have both! As easy as left and right handedness, The Four Rules of Relationships can enhance your 'match made in heaven’ as each of you will truthfully know yourself and your partner to keep the romance alive!

 

 

This information is based in Carl Jung’s Personality Type through the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator – MBTI. Paul Lamb is an author, published writer, motivational consultant and certified in the MBTI since 1989

 

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